-
New old Dom
Well here goes. Hopefully I’m in the right place for where our particular situation.
It started about a month ago. After nearly 2 decades together, we finally discovered that there was a dormant desire within both of us. I don’t even recall exactly how we figured it out, but once we opened the door, it was like a whole new world of connection and pleasure.
Both of us are Alphas in daily life. I have a supervisor role at work, so by the end of the day I run more as a mild alpha. She runs the household and works part time, so she’s the household Alpha. Yes… we butt heads sometimes. 🙂 and she can be really anal retentive about things.
We’d been together about a 18 months before our first was conceived. So from then on life got really busy and down-time limited. About as kinky as we got previously, was convincing her to wear a wireless panty stimulator in public.
So imagine my surprise, when I discovered that in the bedroom she wanted me to “take control.” Like I said, it’s kind of vague (although you’d think it’d be burned into my brain), but I think it started with asking for aggressive nipple bites, which progressed into spankings (hand), bed restraints, clamps and plugs. Before that, the toys were limited to the vanilla kind (vibrators, clit stimulators) and some vanilla position experimentation.
It got really hot when I went on a business trip. We were in the biting, and spanking stage. She had already started addressing me only as “Sir” in the bedroom at that point. While I was away, I ordered some clamps and plug training kit as a surprise. We had talked about it briefly, but I really wasn’t sure if she’d be into it, and neither was she. I left instructions (not thinking she’d take it seriously) that she at least be up to a certain plug size buy the time I returned. When I asked her if she finished her “homework,” I got an affirmative (which gave me an instant hard-on). Of course we couldn’t wait to use her new toy together. Then the clamp set arrived. Since she like the biting I was more confident these would go over well. Wasn’t sure how the labia clamps would take, but I figured it’s easier to remove than add later. So we could try the nipple ones first and if She like that, attach the others. Well, the kids weren’t home the day they arrived, so she went in the bedroom to try it while I was in the kitchen. She appeared back out shortly after, wearing all four clamps and nothing else. We had planned to head out to do some stuff, but when I checked the labia clamps, she was already dripping wet and ready. We didn’t spend a long time, but later that night we had a nearly 3 hour session that was beyond anything we’ve both experienced before. I even went beyond simple commands and “punishment” (spanking, withdrawing, and even stopping her at the brink of climax), but even calling her derogatory terms and vulgar language that I would never use in a real conversation with her in in private. And although she’s had multiple orgasms before these were the most intense and longest (and I swear mine were too).
What is amazing too, is as much as she’s discovered she enjoys her role, I equally enjoy my new role. If only we knew all this time!
Anyway, I didn’t mean to turn this into a penthouse letter, but I wanted to give a clear picture where we are starting from. I don’t know how much further if any this will go, but I don’t want to wait another 2 decades to figure it out. And as mind blowing as it’s been, if there’s another 10% of pleasure out there dormant, I want to find it for us. And the funny thing was, running across this site while I was trying learn more and then finding all the parallelisms with actions and stuff that we’ve been evolving over the last few weeks on our own. It seems from my initial research that there’s a vast and complex number of levels. And I’d like to find out our best fit as a couple which optimizes both of us in terms of pleasure and closeness.
One struggle I have is getting her to share boundaries. I definitely can’t ask in bed as I get the sub-like answer, “that’s up to you.” I actually think questions in bed are an annoyance to her, because she reads it as a lack of confidence (non-dom behavior) rather than me just trying to understand what new things to try or exactly how far to go. But even outside I’m not getting straight feedback beyond, “loving everything right now.” I think it might be a matter of not knowing what she doesn’t know.
Where I am pretty sure from her personality is, the role is a private on that stays within the boundaries of the bedroom, or “pillow talk” when we tease each other. Hopefully there are others here where that is the case and I’m in the right place to learn and grow my role within those boarders.
-
4 Replies
-
Hello Sir and Welcome,
This site and its members are a amazing resource for a sounding board and advice column. Always ask anything in chat. If she is up for it she can try subMrs. to talk to others in similar mindsets. If you see me on say Hi always willing to talk.Also look up downtime on this site it as helped us greatly.
Still
-
Welcome!
-
Welcome aboard!
You will find that much of what we discuss often comes back to communication.
You also discussed that you are trying to find what fits you and to optimize that… That is awesome as many that begin the scene are looking for a road map of sorts. There is no road map, only examples for you to use to make your dynamic even better.
Best wishes
Mr Fox
-
My kitten also said Whatever i wanted in play. It was frustrating at first. But i learned to just start doing and she has to use her safe words. She knows i would not hurt her so she has not used her safe words yet.
Log in to reply.