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Intro new and struggling
My wife and I have a great life. We have three beautiful children I have a good job that allows my wife to be a stay at home mom. That said she spends all day doing for them and taking care of the house. She’s a very strong and powerful woman who spends all day in charge. Our sex life is pretty healthy and not just for a couple with three kids 3&under but like we’re still in college healthy. Most of the time we just go with the flow and let our time together just happen. Recently my wife expressed that she enjoys me spanking her and me taking control “in the bedroom”. The control part has come pretty easy. We talk a lot outside of the bed room about limits and and wants and desires. So the husdom serving his sub has been enlightening for me and a great thrill for her. But the spanking I’m having a hard time with I can’t seem to do it hard enough nor do I know if I can.
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4 Replies
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My opinion is that it’s best to come from the place where you are than the opposite. I know it was for me. The biggest difference for us pushing these limits are good safe word usage. It took a while for me to trust my sub to use her safe words. It took a while of training to get her to use them but that is where freedom is. Now that I can trust that she will use them, I can go very hard and know I won’t Harm her even though I am hurting her. Additionally, the instrument you use can make the difference on pain level :).
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Dirtyonthefly,
First let me welcome you to husDom, the site has been a great resource for me, the more you participate the more it will help you grow.
Now your concerns about spanking. This is something a lot of new Doms struggle with so don’t feel like you are alone. I for one had to really work hard to get my head wrapped around the idea she could like getting spanked. It took me awhile to get comfortable with the idea of doing it and then some time to get good at reading her so I could push her to the point right before she would safeword. I would be happy to talk to you in depth in the chat room if you would like about how i got over my fears of hurting her and inturn made impact play one of my, and our, favorite forms of play.
Mr. K sir
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Dirtyonthefly, again welcome to HusDom. You have ab excellent question and one that has been asked either out-loud or silently by most Doms throughout the many years I have been involved with D/s and it is heightened by the fact that many are married to their subs. On HusDom we are monogamous which means we have vowed to protect those who we have chosen to spend our lives with so there starts our internal struggle. The way I look at this is our struggle is between protecting and satisfying our sub’s needs.
The use of safewords not just a red to stop but also other words to slow down, go lighter, pause to talk, etc helps a lot. Also there needs to be a time when you and your Mrs build expectations from a spanking and discuss how to progress. We started slow and light and through discussion reach the point where we are both happy which happens to be on the hard side.
Remember that you need to show her affections through the process, rubbing her butt to learn how it feels at different levels, understanding when it is warming up and watching how she reacts to each swat is the key. Rest assured with patience you will both learn how hard, how long, and how often spanking feels good for both of you.
We can talk on chat if you have any questions.
Regards,
BigOne
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Dirty on the Fly,
For myself and from what I have learned observing others is that the dynamic should develop naturally. Naturally and without haste.
When it comes to impact play I believe that one should begin slower than slow and lighter than light..
The more impact play that you have the more comfortable you will feel during the play.
When I began spanking my lk I was uncomfortable with it as well. I didn’t want to hurt her. Very quickly I have come to relishing putting my hands on her ass. Spanking lk has become one of my favorite actives. There is something about the intimacy of skin on skin impact play.
A spanking doesn’t have to have any pain what-so-ever associated with it. When I spank my lk I warm her skin first. I rub it and lightly kneed it between my fingers. I may give a single smack, super soft. Followed bye more rubbing and kneading. I repeat this over and over. Very slowly increase the intensity.
When I began a spanking like this I can almost lull lk to sleep during the spanking. She almost falls catatonic.
Begin a spanking as purely a connection and intimacy. Very slow and a lot of rubbing and kneeding. Every now and then I lightly scratch her skin and maybe lightly pull her hair.
Best wishes
Mr Fox
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