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Hello my fellow Gentlemen
I am JarithOne and have been exploring a D/s relationship for about 3 months and how it fits in our relationship. My wife, Starlilie, and I have been married for almost 15 years.
Three months ago Star came to me and said she is a submissive and wanted to explore a D/s lifestly. My Star is one of the most strong-willed, smart and capable women I have ever met. Needless to say this turned my world upside down.
I did not know what to make of her request. We have had some domination elements in our play for a long time, we’ve done light bondage, anal sex, some light fantasy, but never spanking or any think like that. I know that I have a strong, opinionated, stubborn, (somewhat arrogant) personality. But I have never felt the need to enforce my will on my wife. Short of tossing a grenade at me, or messing with my family, I am pretty laid back. Most of the time I remind people of a sleeping bear. Just don’t poke the bear!
It doesn’t help that I am 5’10” 215lbs, broad shoulder, barreled chest, and what bear doesn’t have fur. Yep I am a pretty hair guy, keep the duct tape away!
One of the problems we have had in the past is Star and I would butt heads when decisions needed to be made, we are both extremely stubborn. This has caused numerous fights, and hurt feelings.
When we were first married I was in the Marines, I served 8 years, and was often deployed. This created a difficult power dynamic of who was in charge of what. This carried over into our civilian lives with my new job as I work 12 hours rotating shifts. I didn’t realize how much that was hurting our relationship. When Star first came to me about the D/s lifestyle, I will admit I thought it was just about sex play. I am learning it is much more. Looking back I can see when Star would challenge me (poke the bear), just to get a rise out of me and provoke a response. Or she would do something, we now recognize as submissive behavior, to again, get a reaction.
We have been researching D/s and trying to see what fits for us. I have found Star calling me Sir, doesn’t work for me. I “worked for a living” and Sir rankles when she says it. We have tried several names, ones that could be used in the vanilla world, and have settled on Bear. So if you see her in the Warren talking about her Bear, that’s me.
One of my big concerns, and one of the reasons I have been cautious about in exploring D/s is some of the power, and game play. As a combat Marine I have been trained when I hit someone it is to take them out of the equation. The idea of pain equaling pleasure is foreign to me. -
3 Replies
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All of this sounds just like my experience to date, so it’s great to find others to share the ongoing journey with. It’s amazing how much of the D/s dynamic was already there, just not recognised or being ignored as culturally inappropriate.
I’ve also found it difficult to work physical aspects into our lifestyle – I’m a good foot taller and almost twice the weight of my wife so it’s unsettling for me (and can make it a feel a bit silly). She loves feeling my control though, so we’ll keep working on it and find what works for us.
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Welcome JarithOne, You and I have many things in common.First Thank you for your Service. If you have heard the phrase With great power Comes great Responsibly. The D/s lifestyle gives new meaning . Now we have the Power it must be used properly or it will be lost.As the leader of your submissive (wife, I’m still adjusting myself) You set the pace that works for you, I wish you the best of Luck in your Journey . The Posts from the beginning for Mr. Fox have helped me a lot. Also the Dominant Discussions are very helpful. This site gives all of Us a place to communicate with like minded people.
Kind Regards M.R -
JarithOne,
Welcome aboard!
Your gravatar is perfect for your profile…
Many husDOMs share many of your sentiments when beginning their journeys. A little time and experience will help resolve many of your feelings.
We do not look at it as ‘hiting’… It really is nothing like that. Your actions are well controlled, deliberate and not moderated…
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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