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Uncovering our true selves
Hi, I’m new to husdom.com. I’ve been lurking about the blogs, forums, and chats for about a week now. I want to start by saying thank you to all of the contributors to this website. I am very new to this adventure, but I feel very empowered. I have my fingers inside a very steamy pie of Juicy information. I have found everything to be very applicable and understandable. The idea of a 24/7 ds relationship was intimidating when I first began research about 6 months ago. However, thanks in large to this community we have successfully began a full time commitment. Thank you so much for all of your support, past, present and future.
My mrs and I are 7 seven years into a wonderful marriage, and we have three, almost four, beautiful younglings together. 1 year ago, my wife and I had our first non vanilla sex. It was very hot and wet, and also violent. I didn’t understand why I enjoyed doing hurtful things to her, and I didn’t understand why she loved it so much. She had never behaved that way for me ever before. Three nights in a row, we pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable in the bedroom like never before. It was orgasmically liberating in many ways. I knew something primal had shifted. Afterward, Our bedroom experiences varied widely from totally distant an awkward to genuine connection, but overall lacking luster. We knew something was off, something needed to change. 6 months ago she admitted deeper fantasies than I ever imagined she had. It started a spree of research. I have read and read and read. Most of the time feeling terrified of what I discovered. I uncovered deep truths about sexuality that I had always vehemently rejected. I was also unsure of the responsibility. I didn’t feel stable enough for myself, let alone to take on her power as well. But eventually everything we were talking about started making a lot of sense.
A month ago we started a very simple contract. Nothing d/s, just to guarantee consensual signals for preventing bedroom awkwardness. It has evolved little by little from there.
This week, upon reading throughout this community I realized something important.
It’s not about making her do things. It’s about making her WANT to do things.
If I provide all of her basic needs plus some, and reinforce my opinion of her self worth, she will see herself as I see her.
When she sees herself as I see her, she has a great desire to please me. She wants to serve me. She wants to act on the intense feeling of devotion our dynamics inspire.
She gives me the power I feel willingly. This “power” helps me see myself in her eyes. This reinforces my absolute devotion to her. It drives me to attend to all of the peripheral needs of our lives. This gives us more time to do the things we both really want to do.
It is a power exchange symbiosis that generates its own recharge, when both parties are in agreement with every aspect of the relationship.
This has only begun, but my life is forever changed.Today, we established and agreed upon daily rituals. We also both explained WHY each ritual was important to search of us and how it makes us feel. It has already had very very pleasurable results. Not because the pleasure is the end game, our relationships flowering is the end game, the pleasure is just the most amazing byproduct.
Thank again to everyone who has contributed. My name is Drudude17, nice to finally greet you all!
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5 Replies
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Drudude17,
I’m glad you found us. Welcome to Husdom. Please join us on the chat and feel free to ask any question you’d like. It sounds like you’ve already answered many for yourself.
Yours,
Boris
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Thank you! Oh yes, I will have many questions. As our relationship progresses I’m sure I’ll learn how to articulate them. I’m grateful for the nonjedgmental support I have see on here. I feel very comfortable. As it should be.
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Welcome to HusDOM!
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Drdrude,
It’s not about making her do things. It’s about making her WANT to do things.
You have already identified something that some just cant see… It demonstrates to me that you have indeed been reading here at husDOM.
Looking forward to learning about your journey as you progress along on your new endeavor.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Bingo. Ding ding ding. We have a winner.
I have found myself at times getting lazy and “expecting” things. When she doesn’t do what I want her to do, it’s squarely on my shoulders. Time to look in the mirror for a bit.
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