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went from vanilla to amazing
very new to this which is why we are all here lol. married for 12 years the marriage turned vanilla mainly now that we are looking back at it, it was a lack of trust and communcation. i started looking into the dominate/submissive world by seeing it on porn. i did tie my wife up at a hotel about a yr ago but it seemed more of a role play. recently we ran into trouble in our marriage and she started loving the attenton of others! we chose to make that situaton into a positive one and thru more communiction we have really opened up to each other and feel closer then ever. i went thru 12 years as a controled husband and now i feel like a new person by taking control of now my sub. hopefully as we learn more about this lifestyle we can grow even more closer then ever….. advice needed she was n control most of the marriage now that roles are reversed she has accepted it but at times gets so excited that she forgets and tries to “take” (whch is where her name came from “brat”). how do i remind her that she cannot just take other then continued spankings?
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5 Replies
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An honest and Stern scolding can be more effective than a physical punishment ever was is something I have see written about by many different doms and subs. (everyone is different though) So far, this has been what we have decided works, without causing emotional damage. (if I choose my words wisely) I don’t know enough of what I’m doing to know when EXAXCTLY is the appropriate time to punish physically. I would end up harming something too precious to me.
Some posters advocate a correction period before punishment ever occurs. Your sub should “master” the skill/task you want her to have through correction rather than punishment. Then, when the expectation is DELIBERATELY broken, punishment can be warranted. This is the advice I have chosen to follow. I have decided that physical punishment is a hard limit for me right now. We will re negotiate in the future.
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Welcome! glad you found us. It just keeps getting better and better.
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Bar,
In the beginning it is much more about figuring each other out, likes, dislikes and desires. Punishments are almost always overrated on the internet and sometimes even here as well.
I dont recommend punishing for several months as this lifestyle needs to be something that both partners enjoy in order for it to be sustainable.
Consistency should be the main focus rather than punishments or even changing your submissive. If she is being a brat begin by asking her what she believes your role is in the relationship and what she expects your response to be in times like this. Communication will bring you both together and build proper trust. The answers to these questions may be obvious when you ask them but it is more about bringing the thought to the surface.
@Drdrude…
I have been discussing the correction aspect for many years. The internet has had so many people laser focused on punishments when in reality I seldom ever punish lk. I havent punished lk in more than a year now. I have almost entirely relied on corrections.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Thank you that is very sound advice. Communication is the key and thankfully we’ve begun to realize this after 12 years lol
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Bar you are blessed it only took 12 years. Seriously. Keep building the foundations. Communication. Trust. Respect. Love.
I read my earlier reply and I tbink I posted in the wrong thread! Sorry.
Shower her with praise for all the good things she does. Take time the next day to let her know all the things she did yestedsay that rocked your world. Positive reinforcement is te key for most of us.
My Curvey and I have three rules and one of them is a fun mind fuck type thing regarding her O’s. Easier to enforce 2-3 rules than 30. And we had zero punishments the first year other than my disappointment in something.
Keep it simple and keep building up the foundation.
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