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Isilwane's ntroduction
Good day all. . A bit of background. About two years ago I found out my wife was having a purely emotional affair with her first boyfriend (Who lives in a different country), she had lied to me about all sorts of things, biggish (her debts) and small. The issue of honesty is incredibly important to me. I looked inwards and realised that although her lying was a potential deal breaker for our marriage, I needed to step up. In the few years after we were married (22 years ago) I was a different person, I represented my province in two different disciplines (I think the equivalent of representing an American State) , field hockey and shooting, owned and ran my own company and owned my own house outright by the age of 27. (I’m 45 now) Political and economic reasons forced us to leave the country of my birth to live in the UK 8 years ago. A year ago I realised I was not the same person I had been. I had got lazy. I had let her take on decision making, financial and lifestyle. I had got fat. Self help books like ‘No more Mr nice guy’, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’, ‘Man’s search for meaning.’ and books on lying partners put me on to this way of life. I was looking for a way to change back to who I was. I took control of the finances, decision making and the bedroom. ( In a safe, sane and consensual manner) I used the Dukan diet and lost 15 kilogrammes (33 pounds) in weight. I also trained and started as a Special Constable (a kind of Police Reserve) and am out on duty with full Police powers a couple of times a month) I also now volunteer at the local school, going out on hiking expeditions with pupils and teach map reading and first aid for these outings. She had noticed the change in me, as have I. She really welcomed this return to being more of a confident man. Slowly the trust and honesty (she went for CBT therapy) are coming back. The reason that this life style is so appealing is that it relies implicitly on communication and trust, and wholehearted honesty, not telling me what I want to hear. I read ‘fantasy made flesh’, a book on roleplay and it has a few exercises that help expose a persons reasons / fears why they do not experiment and why you should give ‘permission’ to yourself to allow yourself to think out of the box. It also helps both of us open up and discuss what is ‘normal’, which is very subjective. I do believe she is a true submissive and likes me to be in charge in nearly all matters. It is a little difficult having spent the last few years doing what I think makes her happy (being a nice guy) and then finding out she wants me to dominate her. It has also been difficult realising that whilst I had already known I wanted to dominate her, I had not known enough about the lifestyle to put anything in place and had not known that it was not abusive, if done right. We have always had a good sex life, by that I mean regular, often, with the odd blow job and anal thrown in on special occasions. When I spoke to her about the idea of a ‘taken in hand’ or D/s relationship she jumped at it. We have talked and talked and our lines of communication have never been more open. I think I know her better than I ever have and I have definitely learned more about who I really am.. I wish I had known earlier…I have three daughters, the eldest will be leaving next month to study at Cambridge university, so there are limitations to our scenes. I have read some of the blog’s and it is a relief that this is not a fantasy site where no one admitted to making a mistake, or not being sure of themselves. I’m hoping to learn from others here. I have a lot to learn. That’s my story. Thank you for the welcome I received.
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2 Replies
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Isilwane1,
Welcome to husdom…
That is quite a story. Thank you for sharing such intimate details of your life up until now. As our have already mentioned husDOM is not a fantasy website of any means. Our membership is comprised of real, imperfect loving Dominants.
It sounds as though you both are off to a great start. Come join me in the chat if you have an opportunity.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Welcome. I’m the poster child for mistakes.
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