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New Dom | Fighter With a Heavy Heart
Hi everyone, from a newfound Dom! I never thought I’d be posting such a heavy introduction, but here goes…
I found this community and this side of me after splitting up with my OC. She and I had a vanilla relationship lasting just under four years and we were due to marry at the end of this month. Needless to say, the wedding isn’t happening anymore. My OC and I had our fair share of problems that amounted to a horrible mess.
Since the breakup, I’ve learned a lot about myself and about my OC. One being that she wanted someone to fulfill her submissive desires, but she hadn’t worked up the courage to share that side with me. I started reading the blog posts to learn what being a Dom entails, and I’ve seen where my inaction contributed to my OC’s reality. We were feeding off each other in entirely the wrong way and we lost communication for so long.
About 10 weeks have passed now and my OC and I are talking again, we’re working through things, and I’m applying what I’ve learned thus far from the blogs to help rebuild the ties between my OC and myself. She and I share the blame regarding many things, but husDOM has given me the clarity to show me where I need to change. During our talks there were so many things we wished the other had said; all in all our relationship deteriorated because of miscommunication. My OC and I have grown so much in the last 10 weeks and I’m fighting tooth and nail to make this right.
That’s the “heavy heart” component of this title, now for the fighter part. I’m now in competition with another Dom for my OC, a much more experienced Dom than I. Nothing has been signed between them, but I’m fighting for my OC with another Dom nonetheless. At this point, not even she knows just how far I’m willing to go. Despite everything, I’d do anything for my OC; I’d even die for her.
I welcome any advice that the veteran Doms here can offer me. I’m trying to find my OC’s desires so I can feed her submissive side, but I feel like I’m asking the wrong questions by doing so. Currently, I use Downtime to work through questions she has for me, her insecurities, my questions for her, and my insecurities. After Downtime, I massage her and go from there. I still have a VERY long way to go, but I do hope that I can say in the future that husDOM helped me reconnect with my OC and create a strong D/s-M circle.
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8 Replies
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Welcome to husDom,
Very nice intro, I hope you are able to repair your relationship. I look forward to talking with you in chat.
At this point, not even she knows just how far I’m willing to go. Despite everything, I’d do anything for my OC; I’d even die for her.
Why don’t you tell her and maybe help ease her mind?
Best regards,
Sir -
I spoke with my OC again today and we spoke about a few things. I requested a written assignment from her and she turned that in today, so I will be going through that assignment with her tomorrow in Downtime. My current mission is to rebuild the relationship by working through her fears and insecurities, incorporating the D/s-M circle in as many aspects as possible. It’s going to take time, and I have an adversary in the mix, but I feel that I know what I need to do. I need to Dom up further, and I’ve never been more focused.
Why don’t you tell her and maybe help ease her mind?
I said to my OC that she has no idea just how far I’m willing to go for her protection, her wellbeing, her happiness, her trust and her love. What she thought were my limits are no longer my limits; I’d happily burn in the 7th circle if it guaranteed her all that I hold dear.
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Welcome. It sounds like you have a plan in place I hope it works for you. Dom is correct, plenty of information here on becoming a better you. And I believe that is the secret behind all this. Because when all is said and done, that’s the one thing we have the most control over and the one thing that has the most impact in any relationship.
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Thanks for the kind words Tex. I’m really feeling in a bind at the moment as my OC has been talking to another Dom, so I’m fighting tooth and nail for her.
We’ve been talking quite regularly and she tells me that her feelings are essentially split straight down the middle, between myself and this other Dom. She’s had multiple sessions with him and it’s driving me bat shit crazy, as I feel that I’m fighting with my hands tied behind my back. I know what her desires are, yet she’s incredibly fearful that our relationship would just fall apart again – it won’t, because I know where the two of us dropped the ball so to speak. I’ve already got things in place to prevent small issues becoming problems.
This day next week, I was supposed to be getting myself ready to marry my OC. Instead, I’ll be in 10 kinds of pain before alcohol is involved. I’m fighting like hell for her, to the point where I don’t have a plan B; plan B is enforcing plan A. On the other hand, I’m feeling like I’m saying “yeah it’s fine, you can fuck him while you make up your mind; I’ll just be outside.”
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Better to find out now than potentially 10 days from now after getting married. All I can say is that this is a tough situation you find yourself in. I personally am not prepared to share my sub with anyone else. As of today, that means never. I guess I’m getting slightly jaded these days. There are so many really good women out there that want a good man to take care of them. Women that don’t appreciate what they have deserve what they get. It’s easy for me to type “screw her” on a keyboard miles away from your heart and your situation. You have major emotional investment. From my jaded perspective she needs to shit or get off the pot. OR you decide that you are fine with a polyamorous life with her and settle for being 50%.
Again, I’m perhaps being a bit harsh and judge mental here. Take care of you first. Whatever that means for you.
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Hello Mr. Kishin,
your story is heart breaking. My first thoughts were similar to what Tex wrote. But if I would have reached that point, gone so far, put so much effort in it, i would definitely try to fix it as you do. I think alike. I fight as long as possible and when I fail I can be selfconfident stating that I tried best. Nevertheless there might be a point, depending on your limits concerning polyamory, where you need her to decide. Perhaps you can work further, try to solve some problems and show that you have learnt. PROOVE that you are able to develop and maybe then jump in the cold water (a saying in germany). If she likes having multiple men you should be careful whether you can stand it or not. It sounds twisted anyway. Does she like to submit to you and your rules or does she prefer to set her own rules…
If nothing helps, better have a horrible end than horror without end. Make sure you find your way, nothing else can make you happy longterm.Best wishes
Peter -
Time for an update.
It’s not been easy, but thanks to the treasure trove of insight on HusDOM I have successfully brought my relationship with my OC back from the brink. As it turns out, the other guy is more a domineering jerk than a Dominant – in any capacity. He didn’t take it well when she told him she’s made her choice, but that’s his cross to bear; he screwed up in a big way.
My OC and I have found a nice clique in our local community and we’re going to all the upcoming workshops – we’re looking at a High Protocol event in a couple of months as well.
Many thanks to Mr. Fox, Tex, DOM, and everyone I’ve spoken to on the forums and in chat; I found HusDOM at just the right time!
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Mr. Kishin,
congratulations on your journey beginning anew. your calm, communicative and consistent behavior has paid off. I wish you well. thank you for sharing.
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