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    • #14854
      Spelbynder
      Participant

      Basic | Dominant

      When my bride-to-be and I started getting serious about establishing a D/s dynamic, I began an in-depth study and research of 24/7 D/s. That’s how I found Husdom.

      My previous experience with D/s was in the form of the kink community, in which I had been very active for years. Most of them were players, and the few who professed a 24/7 lifestyle actually just spent a lot of time on their kink. The rest knew how much work went into simply planning a scene or preparing to host or attend a play party and had no desire to spend all their time doing that. Their attitude toward 24/7 was, “What’s in it for me?” My answer to them now would be, “If you have to ask that question, stick to kink.”

      For me, being dominant is part of my identity; it isn’t a tool I use to get a payback, although the payback is absolutely worth it! That question could be asked of an artist or a craftsman: “Is expressing yourself in this way worth the cost of materials and the messes you have to constantly clean up?” I would venture that the cost of materials and the messes do not even factor into the equation! I wonder how many muscle-car enthusiasts have decided that restoring that old Shelby Cobra isn’t worth the grease-stained hands and combing salvage yards throughout the region for parts.

      The question, “What’s in it for me?” becomes even more troubling when someone is considering whether to pursue 24/7 D/s with his wife or significant other. He’s not talking a burled walnut coffee table or a Packard Super-8 Woody, but a human being that he ostensibly loves, cherishes and wishes to have a happy life with.

      If my woman wants a D/s dynamic, wants me to take the lead, wants to please me and be praised for it, or to be punished when she fails, wants to feel loved and safe and is willing to do just about anything I require to obtain these things, I ask you: Where’s the downside? Is that not worth a little–hell, a LOT–of work, self-discipline, attention to detail, in essence, being the best person I can be? If I’m not already striving to be the best person I can be, I don’t deserve the love of a woman at all, let alone one who is willing to place her life in my hands with complete trust.

      In the end, the question “What’s in it for me?” is the wrong question when considering one’s life partner. The right question may be closer to, “What can I do to take responsibility for establishing and growing deep love, trust and satisfaction in my marriage? How can I ensure that my wife remains happy to be married to me and vice versa?”

      Maybe D/s isn’t the answer for everyone, but if someone has made their way to the D/s community seeking answers for their marriage, it’s clear that something is lacking. What’s in it for me is what I PUT into it. Just like any other worthy, creative project. The quality of the work I put into it equals the quality and value I get back from it. The simple joy of the journey and the pride in milestones reached are added dividends. What’s in it for me? Everything!

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