- June 20, 2014 at 3:45 pm #4667Mr. FlintParticipantBasic | Dominant
To put this bluntly….I have seen the term “sub space” on http://www.submrs.com while looking over some posts with my jinx and wondered what it actually is… I mean is it a space where she is allowed/meant to be submissive ie the bedroom or what? I understand this is probably a silly qusstion but we all start somewhere right… your comments and feedback will be most appreciated
- June 21, 2014 at 6:46 pm #4677
This is a good question, which I’ll try my best to answer. Subspace is not a location, but rather a state of mind some submissives are able to reach during BDSM play. In my experience it is only reached during heavy impact/pain type activities. The chemicals the mind releases during a hard spanking/flogging/caning can cause your submissive to reach a natural ‘high’. This ‘high’ is typically referred to as ‘subspace’. After the release of the pain suppression it taking the body a little bit of time to produce more. Other play can be done during the in between time, and then followed (10-15 minutes later) by more impact play will allow them to have another release of the natural chemicals causing them to drift further into sunspace.
All of the subs I’ve talked to or read about have different experiences/sensations while spacing, and each time is typically a little different as well. takara says it feels like waves of heaviness while it also quiets her mind.
This is a very plebeian explanation of subspace, please let me know if you have any other questions.
- June 22, 2014 at 3:07 am #4690Mr. FlintParticipantBasic | Dominant
So…if I understand correctly. ..I read once about the pain and pleasure centres of the brain being close together in the brain and under certain circumstances the lines between the two can become blurred. This makes extreme/extended pain seen bearable, the subs are just taking it one step further and making the pain pleasurable…it explains why when you have a bruise you cant help poke it even though it hurts to touch it!! My next question though is how would I know when my sub jinx gets to “subspace” without her telling me and my constant
“Are we there yet?”
Are there any physical changes I should look out for??
thankyou in advance
- June 22, 2014 at 10:41 am #4693
I want to clarify takara is a bit of a masochist, so my experience in this is only with someone who enjoys pain and also it is likely somewhat different with each person. Also, it isn’t so much of a “we” getting there. You as the Dom will need to be paying very close attention to your sub when you engage in this type of play.
The first few times takara was able to space it was a little harder to tell when she was starting to drift. As we got more comfortable with longer heavy impact play sessions, and she was able to slip into subspace easier I figured out a few different clues to let me know she was either getting close or already there.
After we have been playing for a little while I will usually ask her quietly while close to her ear “takara are you still with me?” After I ask I listen to hear how she talks and how long it takes her to respond. Once she is spacing or very close, her response is delayed and she speaks quieter and slower than normal. Another way I can tell is when she starts to flinch/wince/react less to a strike with say my hand, cane, hair brush, flogger, ect when I am using the same level of intensity.
After she starts to drift deeper into subspace you will obviously have to keep an eye on the redness and condition of her skin. When takara has gone somewhat deep into subspace she will not want me to stop with the impact play, but at some point her body can only take so much before the hot red skin will turn into welts and deep bruising.
When takara gets deep enough into subspace it is sometimes hard for her to stand. Everything slows down for her. she says “your body gets heavy, but your mind is floaty.” It can also take a bit of time to get her to this point, which can be a little physically demanding on the Dom as well. Have whatever after care items on hand before, so when you or she is spent you can just lay down in bed or whatever every relaxing things you do during aftercare.
Don’t forget to add a little play in there for yourself whilst taking her to La-La Land.
- November 25, 2014 at 4:17 pm #5704ChickenCaesarParticipantBasic | Dominant
I wonder if this is something I’m able to have my sub achieve. When you’re talking impact play, can you describe in more detail what is occurring and for what duration?
- November 25, 2014 at 7:24 pm #5710
By impact play I’m referring to a spanking, caning, paddling, or combination of impact type toys.
Each implement is a bit different in terms of rhythm. A good way to figure out what your sub likes is to do a spanking temperature test. There are a number of different ways to do this. If you are fairly new to impact play then just start out with you hand. Get in a comfortable position for both you and her, the classic over the knee position is always fun. Then start slow and begin giving her a spanking. Have her tell you from 1 to 10 what the pain level is after each swat or two. 1 being a gentle tap (no pain) and 10 being the most pain she can process without using a safeword.
After doing this for awhile you will figure out what rhythm works for you guys. This temperature test can (and probably should be) used with all impact implements you plan on using. Not to mention I’ve never hit takara with anything I have not tried myself to understand what the implement will do. A couple good swats on the back of my calf gives me a good idea of what she is going to feel.
The first time takara drifted into subspace was when we were doing a temperature test with a number of implements. I used them one a time until getting her up to 9s. Then switched to another item. Lots of touching and running while and in between different toys.
Let me know if you have another questions.
- November 25, 2014 at 9:31 pm #5711HerSirParticipantBasic | Dominant
My love generally enters subspace when I cut or pierce her. I don’t use impact toys as much so my experiences there are more limited. My love and I have discovered a couple of things in relation to her and her reactions to being cut or pierced – the first is that she cannot handle being cut or pierced with anything more than the simplest bondage – there is too much happening for her to cope with.
When cutting or piercing my love will generally moan in pain to begin with – usually by around the 10 -15 needle or about halfway through a design being cut into her back, she has started to slip into subspace – her reactions to the pain change. She stops shuddering or trying to move away from the pain (generally she is lying unrestrained on her stomach and I work on her shoulders/back/buttocks and thighs). Her breathing slows right down and her body visibly relaxes. Often by then time I have finished and begin removing the needles and cleaning wounds she is almost asleep – she doesn’t make any movement or sound when I put 70% isopropyl alcohol on her wounds to clean them.
She normally then sleeps with me holding her – very necessary from an aftercare point of view as she often starts awake suddenly two or three times after a session and she is confused and distressed until I comfort her.
A slightly different way to achieve subspace…
- November 26, 2014 at 2:34 pm #5715ChickenCaesarParticipantBasic | Dominant
Thank you all for the great information. It will definitely be useful. I do need to test the different impact tools and figure out how each feels compared to the others.
- November 27, 2014 at 11:45 am #5725Hunter27338ParticipantBasic | Dominant
What do use to recognize that your sub is going to sub-space. I keep mistakenly thinking that she is ‘coming down’. So I change things up to try and keep her going only to find out later that she was ‘heading over the wall’ until I changed it up. Then other times, it was a coming down and I don’t change it up.
I am checking in, but ‘green, more…’ over and over isn’t giving me road signs along the way to know where we are?
- November 27, 2014 at 2:24 pm #5730sirParticipantBasic | Dominant
That is a great question!
I personally do not have a word to keep going like “green”. I have “yellow” which means slow down or take a step back or “vanilla” which shuts down the whole scene and if not doing a scene shuts down our whole D/s until we have negotiated what just took place. I don’t believe Sir, that this particular question can be answered for you. Every dynamic is different and your sub is different from all of ours. You simply have to watch for the signs, practice makes perfect! If you have the word “green”, I think it would be safe to say if she saying “green” she wants more.
In my scenes I always check in on MLT, asking her if she’s okay, and see how she is answering and responding. Slow to respond or mumbling, I know that she’s in subspace or about to reach it.
I also know that she is in subspace by when I am caning her or using other implements or forms of torture, such as a forced orgasm belt, she’s no longer responding to the pain of the the implements. I am able to cane much harder when she’s no longer flinching at the pain, she is truely accepting the pain and mentally dealing with it.
Through all my scenes I help her by talking softly and telling her constantly, reminding her to breath. I also tell her to convert the pain into pleasure, this dramatically helps MLT reach subspace! When she’s crying uncontrollably I also shoosh her softly, tell her to breath, strock her head and again reminder to convert the pain to pleasure and start impact play again.
Hope this helps,
- November 30, 2014 at 9:34 am #5736Hunter27338ParticipantBasic | Dominant
Thanks for the feedback Sir.
I agree that it is difficult to answer this question for someone else’s sub. However you bring up some good points for me to think about.
Following the post above, during downtime, my sub commented that she appreciated me pushing her boundaries during play. We were able to discuss the dilemma above and come to a better understanding for telling the roadmap. In our case it is more about maintaining physical contact to keep her in the zone.
I think the important element out of this discussion is the communication during downtime with your sub of what is working and not working for your individual dynamic.
I have yet to try a wand harness, but plan to soon. I will let you know how it works.
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