This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Mr. Dominus 11 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #71462
     Cortado 
    Participant

    Basic | Dominant

    Hi community,
    First, I want to apologize if my English seems inadequate to describe my situation. English is not my first language and I am not used to describe these aspects of my private life in English. Bear with me.
    My wife and partner Saba through twenty-one years are in a D/s relationship. In a period of 4-5 years we have moved from a vanilla relationship to a BDSM inspired relationship of ownership and name-tag-collar. She prefers to be told what to do, how and when.
    I dictate when we will have sex and where, sometimes without notice. Therefore, she is under the obligation to ask, once a week, if I want to use her and, in those situations, I have the privilege to accept or refuse her offer. She is under instructions to be obedient to my every wish when we have sex, and she has lived up to this agreement in every way. So, she has given me the reins of our sex life, and as much as I relish and treasure it, I have reached the end of my imagination. Or rather, I have reached a dead end, as to what I should introduce to meet the wish of my wife to be taken to the next level. Last week, she declared, that she felt ready to receive more direct training.
    Now, I want to do my part in stepping up the game. I would like to build a long-term strategy for training my wife. But to train her to new levels of submission, I feel that I must formulate a set of goals, that turn me on as well, for me to stay motivated to train her. I feel I must have a clear picture of what I want our relationship to evolve into, to lay down a strategy for me and my wife to steer along.
    Has any of you ever been in a situation, where you felt that you wanted a clear set goal for you and your partner to reach, but you were unsure about what you wanted? If you have, I would love to start a conversation with you about formulating goals and laying down strategies for reaching them.

  • #71483
     Mr.Daw/ AMB 
    Participant

    Premium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™

    hello Cortado,

    First off welcome to the site and i hope that you find any and all answers that you find on this site. second let me ask you if you have had the conversation with your sub about taking the dominance aspect of the relationship into a 24/7 lifestyle? Once you have this conversation and agree that it is where you want to take your dynamic then you can being to lay out the expectations that both of you have and the goals that you both would like to achieve. Having the conversation and an open and honest dialogue is the best way to set goals for your relationship. once you have the common goals and expectations you hould have a better idea about how to begin to accomplish these goals.

  • #71484
     Cortado 
    Participant

    Basic | Dominant

    Mr. Daw/AMB,
    Thank you for your kind and thoughtful advice. I think that the important question for me and Saba at the stage that we’re in is why. Why take it to the next level? What do I want and what does she want? This is something on which I believe we can build a strategy on. As far as a 24/7 D/s relationsship, I am not sure whether that is too early for both of us to consider. As far as defining my own why, I am struggling with the urge to take control and take ownership of Sabas body on the one hand and on the other hand, the hesitation to take control in a more uncompromising way because of moral misgivings. To me, finding and defining my own “why”, is a tightrope walk between my own will and acceptance and accepting submission from my wife. In other words, it is difficult for me, to fully believe and feel confident that I, in giving in to my own lust, will be able to steer us both to a better place. If that makes sense.

    Best, Cortado

  • #71527
     Mr. Dominus 
    Participant

    Premium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™

    Hello Cortado,
    I am new here but I think I know where you are. I also struggle with this concept of why someone needs me this way. Why should I take control of a person so close to me. A person who means so much in other areas of my life. How can I treat her as something less then all she is to me? I don’t think you do. You treat her with respect and honor. Remember she is asking you to fill a need. “Last week, she declared, that she felt ready to receive more direct training.” She is asking for her Dom to embrace his roll in the dynamic, she needs to be fed. I think Mr. Daw has it right, he said “conversation and an open and honest dialogue is the best way to set goals for your relationship.” this is right on the money. Tell her how you feel be honest and open. I think you will feel more at ease with yourself when you know she knows how you feel. Hopefully you both will have a better insight to each other. Downtime works well in d/s and vanilla relationships and everything in between. I was talking to a few gents on chat who make notes through the week to go over during downtime. I like the idea keeps your thoughts organized and structured. My Kristine is telling me she needs more structure in her life. Maybe this is how I start applying it. Hope I helped Cortado I think I just helped myself lol.
    Good luck
    Dominus

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