- August 16, 2017 at 9:14 pm #69361
I don’t generally scene per se, but I do extended playtimes as my repertoire expands, eventually it will roll into full on scenes, but we are not there yet. The kink, however, is incredible. We almost can’t have a conversation without kinkifying it in some way.
My question, how much do you get yours used to before adding something new. Ive had issues in the past with moving too fast, but I want to add more.
- August 16, 2017 at 9:36 pm #69363Mr. K sirParticipantPremium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™
When I add a new toy to my collection I will sit down with Dea and we will play with it together so we both know how to use it and what to expect with it. When we use it for the first time I try to only use that toy (maybe a blindfold as well) so it is not a surprise to her. This has worked well for us and we have not had any problems with moving to fast. Once she is comfortable with the new toy I will start to use it with other toys during play and scenes.
Hope this helps.
Mr. K sir
- August 17, 2017 at 11:25 am #69377
That makes sense, and helps alot. Gives my directional ideas anyway.
- August 17, 2017 at 11:28 am #69378Mr. Fox | Founder D/s-MKeymasterPremium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™
For myself it depends on the toy at hand. Lk is pretty open to almost everything at this point. A new toy doesn’t intimidate lk, in fact she revels in getting them.
I often don’t give lk any heads up before presenting a new toy! For us, the excitement is the mindfuck. But don’t think for a minute that I don’t have a very good idea of what I am introducing and how she will like it. We have limits and we discuss things of this nature quite often.
In your particular case though, I wonder that since you already openly kinkify almost everything, that you don’t have a wonderful oppporthnity to have a pretty good idea of what she would be open to try.
If not, during your kinky discussions, you can try bringing to light, what it is that you want to try for a new toy. You can both openly discuss it then. There are many ways to bring this up without just saying, Hey! I want to try this!
Maybe a sexy picture or an ad. Maybe mention something that you have seen. Depending on your particular situation I am sure that you can come up with something.
Let us know what you come up with and how successful it was.
- August 17, 2017 at 4:33 pm #69381sirParticipantBasic | Dominant
I am more on the same page as Mr.K, and have said this many times on this site.
I enjoy showing MLT new toys as most of the time she will come up with her own kinky way of the use of the toy that I did not think of.
Openly talking about toys, scening and what each other likes and dislikes develops proper communication. In my mind to go into a scene or playing without getting consent or knowing how one will react is not being responsible or trustworthy.
Everything does not need to be a surprise, to be successful, you need to work together. If you are going to surprise her, make sure you know her well enough to know her reaction. But I will say that that is an impossibility as there are many variables that come into play such as mood, lack of sleep and stress to name but a few….so be prepared for the possibility of a botched scene/play.
One way to set someone up to fail is having expectations for someone, when they are not aware of your expectations….
- August 19, 2017 at 1:22 pm #69392Mr. Fox | Founder D/s-MKeymasterPremium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™
To give you a more clear visual of how I view introducing toys to our dynamic I will give a few examples.
Just last week, during a scene, I used a masturbator egg with lk. It was never discussed between us. I did not give her pointers on how to use it nor did I ask her for pointers for myself. The scene was innovative and exciting for both of us. She had no idea that I even had an egg, more or less that it was going to be part of our scene that day. To me that is the mind fuck that I search for.
Was this being irresponsible or untrustworthy? Not is our dynamic. This was how I keep things fresh and imaginative.
The week prior, I purchased another dildo for lk. We haven’t actually used it yet, however. BUT, am I planning on sitting down with lk and discussing the new addition? How I should use it with her or how she feels that I should use it on her. NOPE! When this dildo comes into our scene there will be a lot of teasing and foreplay regarding it. Talk about how BIG it is. How realistic the feel of it is. The color of it. How I imagine that it will feel inside her. I will say things such as, Do you want to please me lk? Do you think that you can take all of this to please me? I will build a desire in lk for that dildo that will have her ready to explode with nothing more than the sight of it, along with my words. The mind fuck is the, without question fact, that I am constantly thinking about her.
Will this be irresponsible or untrustworthy? Not is our dynamic. This was how I keep things fresh and imaginative.
However, long ago I introduced the Zeus White Knight Electro Wand into our dynamic. When it arrived lk and I opened the package together. We read the instructions and plugged it in and turned it on. We were fully clothed and it was not sexual at all. It was out of curiosity and the desire to learn about it. We were also both a little intimidated by the unknown. We explored this new toy together by using different settings an feeling its bite on both of our skin.
Was this being irresponsible or untrustworthy? Not to me…
My point to all of this?
When I talk about making it your own, this is part of that statement in my eyes. I believe that this is part of D/s-M dynamic. This woman isn’t someone that you don’t know. She isn’t someone that you haven’t conducted endless downtimes with. Your submissive isn’t someone that you haven’t discussed likes and dislikes, fears and apprehensions. She isn’t someone that you haven’t already spelled out her limits as well as yours in great detail.
Like almost everything in a D/s dynamic there is no road map for how to be successful. You will need to have a good idea on what she desires and what she is intimidated by.
Think things through and do what works best in your dynamic.
- August 23, 2017 at 9:28 am #69405sirParticipantBasic | Dominant
Mr Fox is absolutely correct and I could not agree more.
In my first response my mindset was more gearing to introducing something that would be more in the realm of scary or needing negotiation e.g. medical equipment, fuck machine, extreme over sized dildos, electrical play etc…
From reading this thread what I am seeing is a spectrum of what one might think is fun verses needing negotiation.
The reminder in the thread is that even in the beginning a simple feather may be off limits or scary. A blindfold gives that sense of excitement and in the beginning needed negotiation. The first time a dominant’s cuffs where placed onto the sub there was that sense of scariness, excitement but yet there was negotiation of some kind.
We will all get to a point that when introducing new toys some will not need to be negotiated and we can take advantage of the element of surprise. I am talking about the toys that are no longer scary or need negotiation. These toys are of a nature that what has been used in the past was far worse than what is being used now.
For myself and MLT, of course I do not go over what I’m going to use in a scene unless it is something that I feel will scare her or cause mistrust. I know MLT well enough to know what her limits are and what will scare her. But in the beginning I had to learn this about MLT. For myself I learned this by introducing new toys and what I thought would be scary was at times not scary at all to her. There were other times what I thought she would be relaxed about and be able to enjoy, that scared her and put her at unease.
What I describe above is growing and finding each other once again. During this process the dominant will be walking a razor’s edge. The best advice I can give you is that you know your submissive the best and if you even think that she will be turned off just a little bit by introducing something that will upset her, then I would advise to simply show her before you decide to tie her up and use it on her.
Common sense goes a long way when being a dominant….
- August 19, 2017 at 11:51 pm #69398
Thank you for the advice. We do have a pretty sound foundation of hard and soft limits, as well as safety protocol in place. I have added plenty as far as techniques in the last year, but there are still things that can be slightly intimidating, and I definitely do not want to stifle the progress we have made. I will just try to read each situation as needed and go from there.
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