- May 25, 2015 at 11:50 pm #9689
I have read a post recently that inspired me to write this post. I will share a small piece of my dynamic. This is my opinion and is only my opinion.
The difference between bedroom and 24D/s is “letting go”. This requires communication, but I am taking about communication in a different context. This type of communication is not the “Downtime” communication. I am talking about how both talk to each other in a 24D/s manner. In order for 24D/s to work, without “incident” she must talk in a submissive tone with respect. You in turn must be respectful, calm, consistent and knowledgable amongst other things. For this to happen she can not be allowed to say “no”.
In a vanilla relationship she would normally say “no” to something that she does not feel comfortable about doing. If she is allowed to say “no” she would more than likely destroy your confidence as a Dominant every time. This is something that she needs to know before 24D/s is even considered and agreed upon.
In my D/s dynamic the word “no” is taken out of MLT’s vocabulary.
It’s changes like these that force her to use submissive speech in a proper manner. Instead of saying “no” MLT will ask to “speak freely”. I will allow her, at this time to state submissively why she feels uncomfortable about the task I have given her. I will take what she has to say into consideration and I may change my mind.
MLT, I would like you to put your butt plug in.
May I speak freely Sir?
Yes you may.
I do not feel well and I have an upset stomach. May I wait to see if it goes away and put it in then Sir?
Oh come here MLT, I did not know you were not feeling well. Yes you may wait my little sub. What can I do to help? I hope you start to feel ………
The word “no” is also taken out in a simple yes and no answer.
Such questions as: did you feed the dog yet MLT? Instead of saying “no” MLT will say:
I have not Sir. Would you like me to do it now? Or, I have not had time yet Sir. I will as soon as I have time. Thank you for reminding me Sir.
This is a single example of speech restriction, there are many, many more that can be used depending on your dynamic. In the beginning you must be consistent with the speech correction and should be correcting and not punishing. Again this is discussed and agreed upon before 24D/s even takes place.
My definition for a reason of punishment is: she means too, or purposely breaks a rule.
Example. Rule: She is never to have a release without permission. Offense: She masturbates and takes an “O” without permission. A punishment is handed out for her benefit. Remember this is something she wants. As a Dominant I do not want to let her down. A punishment is something that makes her feel as though she has let you down. Does not have to be physical and should not be often. If you are punishing often then your expectations maybe to high or you may have to many rules and need to renegotiate.
My definition of when a correction is used: when she does not understand the expectation; she doesn’t know or fully understand the chore or task; she did not know the task was given. A correction is simply informing or reminding her without incident. Once your 24D/s has started to grow, if you find yourself correcting all the time it is more then likely do to improper communication from both parties, or you being inconsistent and allowing it one day and not the next.
Now in the beginning yes she agreed to the training of speech restriction . It is best “not” to punish her for every little infraction but to correct her. Punishing her to often may result in beating her into submission, not loving and guiding her into submission. In the evenings I train My Little Trooper. I have talked about punishing during a scene. The type of punishment I am talking about is not the kind where she is crying before I have even touched her. In this punishment she does not feel that she has disappointed me. This is called a funishment. I personally don’t care for the term funishment as the definition of the word varies far and very wide. I have read many examples where it starts as an actual punishment and turns into sex. I don’t see this as a funishment but as a pour punishment.
MLT is in “Present her ass position”
MLT, today I had to correct you 4 times on saying the word “no”. What does the word “no ” do to me when you say it!
It makes you loose confidence in myself and yourself Sir.
Very good MLT, I am proud of you for recognizing this. As your dominant I don’t want to let you down. So I am going to punish you, do you understand?
Yes Sir, thank you, Sir
It will be my pleasure to help you MLT. Every time I leave a mark on you with my cane I want you to say: ” to let go, I will not say “no” to my Dominant”. Are you ready to begin MLT?
When you are scening the word “no” should never be used either. Unless this is your type of play. This is one reason why she has safe words. If you were to put nipple clamps on her, and she was to say “no those ones hurt! Last time it hurt to wear my braw the next day”. This would destroy the scene and your confidence. This is one reason for a safe word. She says “yellow”, you quickly adjust or take them off. The scene plays on without incident. In my opinion it is good practice to ask questions after scening and discuss what she liked and did not care for. In my particular dynamic “aftercare” will extend into the next day or two by me asking how MLT feels, if she is sore, where and why. This helps to prevent the scenario above.
When you are doing any type of training you can not expect perfect results immediately. It takes time, dedication and patience. You are changing many years of habit, emotion and thought process. In order to get positive results you will need to be understanding yet very consistent with your submissive.
This is my opinion and my dynamic. What works for me may not work for you. Please take what you like and leave the rest.
- May 26, 2015 at 8:39 am #9714SirJDParticipantBasic | Dominant
I like when you give examples, it makes it easier for me to relate them to my own situations.
I will be sure to remember your definitions for punishment and correction.
Thanks for a great post.
- May 27, 2015 at 10:30 am #9804
I hope it can help you in some way! Please remember to simply take away what you think will work for your dynamic.
- May 28, 2015 at 12:02 am #9853Master_KhalParticipantBasic | Dominant
Brilliant Sir, thank you.
- June 10, 2015 at 1:01 pm #10344
Thank you Sir!
- June 10, 2015 at 12:13 am #10330AidanParticipantPremium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™
Awesome information. Aine and I have been talking about training. This seems like an excellent place to start. I have definitely found that as we have proceeded her language and demeanor has a significant effect on me as a Dom even if technically she is submitting.
- June 10, 2015 at 1:00 pm #10337
I am glad I can help. Please take what you think will work for you, but please leave the rest!
- June 10, 2015 at 5:20 pm #10361Anonymous
Excellent as always Sir. Helps me realize that I’m on the right path.
- July 18, 2015 at 6:22 pm #11598
I am here to pay it forward! Glad I can help!
- July 18, 2015 at 3:39 pm #11593Anonymous
Thank you Sir, we have been working on proper submissive speech over the last month and have really come along. The examples you presented are excellent; I wish I would have read this earlier.
Although this does give some examples, a proper dominant speech post would be helpful as well. I have been working on this, had a few slips, but overall am improving. I think noticing old vanilla sayings that trigger vanilla feelings are important to recognize. I was guilty of this last night, although it was without incident.
- July 18, 2015 at 6:18 pm #11596
I am glad I can help! I will try to post some more examples to help as well.
- September 9, 2018 at 8:20 am #71357StillParticipantPremium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™
This way of being is something I think we could all work towards assuming we want to be 24/7. Even as mostly bedroom in our dynamic I could see how this would be helpful in many ways.
I do enjoy going over these older posts to learn as much as I can.
- June 10, 2015 at 1:02 pm #10351
I am happy to share, as long as it helps!
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