- March 15, 2015 at 11:24 am #7155AnonymousInactive
I was reminded of this quote on Friday when I had an opportunity to scold Natasha. I was on a trip, and she had the day off. The night before she had been rather bratty when I required service, so I punished her. When I was scolding her about a mundane task she had failed to accomplish, I could hear the fear in her voice. After we had hung up, I had a mind numbing conference and a 2 hour drive to reflect.
I had punished her from a place of anger, not of love. I think this seeped into her consciousness and when a very mundane an largely unimportant task went awry, she became fearful of punishment. She submitted out of fear, not love.
As I come to grips with this new lifestyle and mindset, I think I have stumbled upon the large pitfall of D/s, one that can causes partners to give up on it. A husDom that grows in anger, and a subMrs that lives in fear. This is where Masters and slaves reside.
Punishment should come from love, I want to correct my Natasha from a sense of love, dispassionately and calmly. When the punishment is done, it’s the start of a new day, the past is done and gone. When she receives punishment, it should be from a place of love, to avoid future disappointment, not punishment. She should live in the moment of looking for opportunities to please me out of love, which in turn will make me want to make her happy. A cycle of reward and reward, not of punishment and fear.
Just my thoughts on this journey. Of course when I say punishment, I don’t mean funishment. Off to the hardware store, I need some 1/4″ braided nylon rope. Natasha is in for a shibari experience.
- March 15, 2015 at 2:13 pm #7159sirParticipantBasic | Dominant
Great post Sir,
I agree with you 100%. We should never punish out of anger, as this would be considered abuse. When we punish, we should be punishing/correcting because a rule was broken, not with emotion.
I also want to give my 2 cents as you said in your post:
A husDom that grows in anger, and a subMrs that lives in fear. This is where Masters and slaves reside.
M/s is not abuse, the differance betwwen D/s and M/s is consensual slavery. The slave chooses to give all her rights to her Master. The differance between a submissive and a slave is a submissive can say “no”. A Master just like a good Dominant would never punish in anger.
One main reason a person wants to become a submissive is to feel safe and taken care of. You are completly right Sir, if punished in anger, the submissive will no longer crave to want to be a sub, but instead fear of being forced into an abusive relationship.
- March 15, 2015 at 2:57 pm #7163AnonymousInactive
Thank you for the correction. My vanilla mindset wasn’t allowing room for the possibility of a M/s relationship that was consensual.
This is like finding myself in a different country in which I know only the basic language and almost none of the customs. In a good way.
- March 15, 2015 at 4:22 pm #7164sirParticipantBasic | Dominant
Thank you for starting this post and sharing your experience!
As a Dominant we all will make the same mistakes as we all grow. That is part of the journey. It is very important that when we make a mistake that we learn from our mishap and take something positive away from the mistake. None of us are perfect and none of us are finished growing, nor do I believe we will ever finish growing.
We all walk a razors edge and what differentiates a poor Dominant from a great Dominate is the willing to learn from past mistakes, understanding the submissives needs, having the submissives wellbeing at your fore thought and creating balance between the D/s and vanilla world that we must all pass in and out of on a daily basis. I believe that keeping these points in mind will help build trust and respect in a D/s relationship, as just like any kind of relatioship to work, it can not be one sided.
- March 15, 2015 at 10:26 pm #7171Mister O.ParticipantBasic | Dominant
Thank you for this post. At work today a girl I work with bought 50 shades for the only reason to prove to someone that D/s is abuse. Of course I laughed internally (no one at work knows I’m in a D/s relationship). I can see how people would see it that way, and I too have probably taken it a little far myself, I am also in the beginning stages. I knew full well that it must be consensual, and the Dom must act in a way that is respective towards their sub. Hearing that it is conflicting to fellow Doms is reassuring and helpful in the growth and continuation of this lifestyle. Thanks again for the input from all. -Mister O.
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