- January 31, 2019 at 6:57 pm #72275
My submrs and I had a conversation yesterday regarding our particular dynamic. She started of by saying that she loves doing things for me, but she let me know that she was very unclear of her expectations as a sub. During the conversation, she let me know that I was not feeding her. For starters, the lack of clear expectations. When I pressed for specific examples of expectations, she stated that she wanted more of a routine to follow. It doesn’t have to be complex, it can be simple (K.I.S.S) but needs to have very clear expectations for me. With her input, I have created a routine for her and I to follow. I am interested to see what the community thinks. I appreciate any and all feedback.
- January 31, 2019 at 7:04 pm #72276
So the docx file is not supported. Here is the routine in this reply.
Prior to workday
-assume collaring position in front of dresser, facing bed, naked.
Prepare Sir’s coffee
-Ask Sir if the coffee will be in the travel mug or regular mug.
Prepare Sir’s lunch for the day
Before Sir leaves for the workday, French kiss him for 10 seconds
Before Sir returns home
-Take a shower (if need be), put on nice looking clothes, put on light amount of makeup to look nice
When Sir arrives home
Greet Sir in the kitchen
-Wait for the chaos to settle down (dogs being happy and James as well that daddy is home)
French kiss Sir for 10 seconds
After putting child/children to bed
Change into submissive lounge wear (slip, camisole, teddy) for the night
-If you are having difficulty deciding what to wear, ask Sir for his thoughts
Before going to bed
Inform Sir that you are going to bed.
-Get undressed and assume collaring position in front of dresser, facing bed, naked.
-Sir will uncollar sub. Sub is to remain kneeling in front of dresser facing bed, naked.
Wait for Sir to get undressed and into bed, then ask Sir for permission to join him in bed.
If Sir is running low on drink (Water only for starters), refill his glass when there is ¼ left.
- February 1, 2019 at 7:46 pm #72282
Kudos to you and your submissive for having this level of trust and communication within your relationship. Each of you knowing what the other’s expectations are very important in any relationship and especially in a married D/S dynamic. I also subscribe to your KISS philosophy and believe it to be to be wise when setting rules and expectations. You also mentioned that you drafted your expectations ‘with her input’. Another key point to note. You did not develop these expectations in a vacuum and simply command them upon her.
It seems to me as though you are off to a great beginning.
- February 1, 2019 at 8:02 pm #72284
You are asking for feedback so I will offer a thought or two.
As we began to set up routines we quickly realized that some things sounded better in a discussion or on paper than they actually played out in real life. You have set your expectations in conjunction with your submissive, now review them often. Ask yourself as well as your submissive how you believe they are going. Ask yourselves if they are feeding you both in the same manner as intended. After review, decide if you should alter any of the expectations or maybe even completely remove one if needed. Also during these discussions, you may discover other expectations that you may want to add to your dynamic.
Finally, now armed with expectations of your submissives behavior, be certain to monitor her activity. I do not mean that you should be nitpicking her every move. It is not too uncommon that Dominants get to the point of drafting their expectations alongside their submissives and shortly after become stagnant with everyday life. Not paying attention to their submissives and how they are feeding their Dominants. Their efforts go unnoticed.
Be sure to acknowledge your submissive, both positive and negative.
I look forward to learning about what happens next sir.
- February 1, 2019 at 8:23 pm #72285Buck/AMBParticipantPremium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™
Well done, Crewingstates.
It looks like you and you submissive already have a good line of communication already.
I totally agree with Mr. Fox that sometimes we don’t acknowledge how our submissives are feeding us. The acknowledgement we give them means a lot I believe.
Downtime talks about what is working or what needs to be tweaked or even dropped is also helpful in the dynamic.
Looking forward to how your journey is going.
Enjoy the journey
- February 2, 2019 at 11:43 am #72295Sir OTW | AMBParticipantPremium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™
I am looking forward to hearing how this works for you and what adjustments you may make.
- February 3, 2019 at 12:57 pm #72304
Update. The submrs and I had a great conversation Friday night. We talked at length about our previous conversation and about the feelings we had during the conversation. Needless to say that we both fell horrible. She felt horrible because she was afraid that she was going to hurt my feelings (I told her that these conversations are crucial, and if my feelings get hurt, that it is because of my reaction to her words). I felt horrible because I was not feeding her as I should have been, and she expressed that very clearly. On to the good news, though. I showed her the created routine (listed above), and we made some minor changes to wording and layout. She asked a question about the routine on the weekend. At first I thought, “meh, we’ll wing it.” Then I stopped. That line of thinking got me in trouble the last time we tried this type of dynamic. I quickly created a short and simple weekend routine to which we both agreed. As it is day 2 of the weekend, the routine is very simple and easy to follow. I am looking forward to seeing how the week day routine plays out, too.
Thank you all for the encouragement and feedback. It was helpful insight into the next steps to take and some things to take into account, as well as what we are doing right. I am glad we found this type of community.
- February 4, 2019 at 9:12 pm #72316
I want to highlight something that you said and did that, in my opinion, was crucial to how you handled the weekend. Many times the things that have the biggest influence on our D/s-M journey’s are often not very large themselves. In fact, they are the small details that some don’t even recognize.
“meh, we’ll wing it.”
Then I stopped. That line of thinking got me in trouble the last time we tried this type of dynamic.
So many Dominants believe that ‘winging it’ will be fine. That they don’t want to make things too difficult and that they will address the details as they arise. The message they send their submissive is one of indifference. Or maybe worse, maybe one of not caring or disinterest in the dynamic.
Much respect to you for identifying what was important to HER and providing that to her. I imagine that single detail has helped your relationship grow quite a bit.
- April 28, 2019 at 3:10 pm #72971
It’s been about 2 months since I update this post. We have made some changes to our “routine” as it were, and have labeled them expectations. My daisy is expected to do certain things for me at all times, like prepare my coffee in the mornings (both during the week and on the weekends). We have added expectations for when I travel (now that my new job requires me to travel at least once a month). This will help my daisy know what is expected of her during those times, as we previously did not have anything and she was left wondering what she was supposed to be doing. This had all come about after we had a long chat about our dynamic and the fact that both of us were not adhering to it. We were picking it up and dropping it when we felt like it. Noted, and changed. Now we will be getting back to where we should be as D/s-M couple, and will continue to grow. If anyone would like to see a copy of the expectations I have listed, please let me know.
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