- July 29, 2019 at 5:17 pm #73448
There have been a LOT of posts and blogs on this site, not to mention all the ad-hoc conversations in chat, about Downtime. I have only been on the site a week, and I couldn’t agree more that it is one of the more powerful experiences for my sub and me that I’ve ever experienced. If you’re new and not doing it… START!
As much as has been written, I won’t attempt to touch on that topic, but I’ve discovered a different and complimentary tool to delve into the mind of my sub in ways that, after 20 years, I have never truly seen or heard from her. If you’ve read my introduction in https://husdom.com/dominant-forums/topic/care-to-dance/, you know that my wife suffers from PCOS. Among other things, the chemical/hormone imbalance that results from this makes fighting a healthy body (weight challenges) a battle that is already weighted against her favor (sorry for the bad pun… I couldn’t resist!). I’ve know this for years, and have never done anything but tell her how beautiful she is to try to combat her insecurities, and every one of those reassurances were 100% truthful! The problem is that she has never believed me, and has done little to nothing to change her status.
And this is the backdrop for my post. My kattunge discovered on sheMrs the notion of kneeling in front of a mirror in a submissive posture and reflecting on herself for 10 minutes per day. I am a huge fan of journals, as they give one an opportunity to reflect back on growth, and having her create one that I could and would be reading also gives me a chance to glimpse into her mind. For her, as an introvert, (INFP, if Meyers-Briggs letters mean anything to you), she doesn’t do well with conveying her thoughts until she has had an opportunity to process her way through them, so Downtime is only helpful when it’s a topic she’s given a lot of forethought to. But give the girl a pen, and she does a great job of putting her thoughts together, so the journal was a perfect answer for her.
Here’s an excerpt from her first entry after spending time in front of a mirror:
“That was more difficult than I expected. Not physically, which was my expectation, but emotionally. I think that is at least in part due to the fact that my body is the source of what I consider my greatest failures…”
As sad as that one is, I won’t expose the entire thing here, but the part that really caught my attention was this gem:
“But it’s hard to sit there and find beauty in something that I have no trust in or love for.”
Read that last sentence again. This is the love of my life, and she hates her body at a level that I had no clue about. This entire entry just about broke my heart.
So I did some fast thinking, and have given her a few tasks with positive body-image “mantras” to repeat in front of the mirror, and she has seen, repeatedly, very unmistakable evidence of just how much her body turns me on over the past week. I have a battle in front of me, and I intend to win. She WILL re-learn to love her body if I have any say!
Fast forward ONE WEEK…. I took her to the adult toy store over the weekend as a reward for doing something for me last week I knew was going to be painful physically, but that would please us both. One of her little purchases was a pair of starter nipple clamps… she wants to work up to wearing them under her clothes ALL THE TIME (I’m in a constant state of “who are you and what have you done with my wife” lately!). The ones she bought are those little lariat things that dangle. She had me put them on this morning for her mirror time. I then left her there… wearing nothing but her collar, her new jewelry, and her panties (it’s that time of the month, so the panties are a temporary part of her attire).
Here are two excerpts from her journal today:
“I might not be delicate, but that means I can take your pounding, which I ADORE!”
“I would still like to be thinner, but that’s because I think it will make a lot of stuff easier. But I was quite proud of the way I looked this morning.”
Gentlemen (and ladies, since I’ve met a few of you amazing Domme’s here, too!): do you have your sub writing in a journal you read daily? If not, I would definitely recommend it. It’s one more way for them to tell you things in their own words when they have the luxury of time to consider their words in a way they may not in Downtime dialog. We have a long ways to go until she truly loves her body, but the fact that she’s starting to see herself the way I always have is progress worth celebrating. And I’d have never known from our Downtime chats. Her brain just doesn’t work that way.
~ Sir Tomcat
- July 29, 2019 at 6:32 pm #73450Mr. DominusParticipantPremium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™
I want to applaud you for the outstanding post! Well done sir! I have had issues with my submissive with body image as well. Im glad you found some success showing her how you see her. Also showing her how beautiful she really is. I feel my own situation is similar but needs more work above and beyond my own capabilities. Her self image is poor but there is a lot more to it then just that. However journaling has been one of my more successful strategies to help my submissive grow in all areas of her life. I would like to take a moment to say I would be cautious of leaving clamps on for extended periods. Lack of blood flow can be harmful if not monitored continuously. Possibly let her work up to longer durations slowly. Say 10 to 15 min. on and the same off working up 5 mins. each day over the course of a week or even two. Again well done sir! I tip my hat to you.
- July 29, 2019 at 7:11 pm #73452
Thanks for the kind words. Negative self-image is a tough one for sure. I was expecting to see improvement, but in a week… that was a surprise to me today, though a very welcome one! For her, knowing that she BELONGS to me, and that she is no longer taking care of HER body, but MINE has made a huge help in a positive step for her. The mind of a true submissive is baffling to me, as I could never think that way, but I’m learning fast to appreciate how her amazing mind works, and use it to best advantage… ideally hers as much as, or more than, mine. It’s a tough thing to watch the person you love as much as we do our sub/spouses have that kind of struggle. Best of luck to you in your continued journey with her!
As regards the nipple clamps, the item she found that most interested her is a lariat style, not an alligator clamp. But regardless of the style, I absolutely agree on working up to it. She will NOT be wearing these under clothing out of the house until she can prove to herself that she can make it through a day, or even a few hours, at home with them. Besides, first I have to BUY the item she wants, so I have quite a bit of control on when she starts wearing it. 😉 Regardless though, your words of caution are well justified.
- July 30, 2019 at 1:40 am #73455Sidecut’s SirParticipantPremium Content | Through the Eyes of a husDOM™
Tomcat, I have experienced the same with downtime as in not all comes out.
It was something I was thinking about but never did because she more open thru text with me.
After reading this I am going to have Sidecut start a journal.
- July 30, 2019 at 2:04 pm #73459
Thank you for the kind words, Sidecut’s Sir.
My kattunge isn’t stupid; she not only knows I’m going to read her entries, but has asked me to comment in them after all. But in making it a “journal” rather than a “letter to her Sir”, I’m getting self-reflection. That’s an interesting distinction, but also a useful bit of information… depending on what you’re trying to accomplish, having her write you letters might be an alternative idea which will get a very different result than a journal. As a journal… she will likely be more self-reflective. Her audience is, essentially, herself, and she’ll know she will want to look back at it 6 months, 1 year, or 2 years down the road to see how she’s grown. A letter to you, her Sir, on the other hand, will have a very different flavor, as she will be explicitly communicating her thoughts, concerns, etc. to you directly. Each can be valuable tools, but you’ll get a very different “vibe” from a letter. There’s no wrong way to do it… but throwing that on the table for your consideration. Good luck with your project!
More food for thought! 🙂
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