New starts better future

[steps]

Hi willy, I’m glad you exist too. 🙂 Welcome to HusDom. The blog and forums are great resources, but don’t be shy in chat either. Looking forward to talking soon.

[Unknown Member]

Welcome to HusDOM! Fasten your seat belt and out your tray in the upright and locked position. Quite a ride ahead of you!

[master_alcid]

Hi WHC,

Handling a submissive through her traumas are one of the challenges and joys of many Doms. You are not alone. Depending on the type of trauma your personal minefield will be different. Do not be too afraid though. Once a submissive opens up, she already did a huge step forward. She is putting great confidence and love in your hands. After 28 years you will have some challenges that are covered in many of Mr. Fox’s posts.

Personally I would foresee a fight between her wishes to let you lead her and her difficulty to let go of 28 years of couplehood life. One of the biggest difference I see from DOMs that are first single and “conquer” new subs is that they have a blank ticket shrouded in mystery and apparent power. This is often easier to overpower a sub and do whaterver you wish with her. They are coming with a downfall of not really having the trust of the passing by subs. And so their agreement lasts for only a few minutes to a few hours.

Your situation is different. You have a tremendous budget of trust (much more than she realize herself), you do not have the mystery, and you might not feel like you have the strength to pull this off but it doesn’t matter all that much. Why? Because she thinks you do. So take your advantages, think a good lot about the last few decades, think about the good times and invent from there.

Start with a good discussion, set up your rule lists. What will be hard limits, soft limits, what is she and you are curious about. And one thing, don’t ask her every 2 seconds if she is alright. Try to read her. I am sure you know her body language enough for that.

Thank you for reading, we are all available for questions.

Cheers,

Mr.A

[willyandhippychick]

Thanks for the insight Mr. A and thanks for the welcome everyone.
It gets tough, as you said, to be mysterious to her after so much trust building. So just creating a scene can be difficult. I may not be able to create the aura of mysterious power that is believable to her right now. I have been starting slow and using a blindfold and keep her guessing about what will happen next to build the anticipation. Are there other methods? I have texted her during the day to buildup tension too. Though I am relearning the art of flirting it seems to work a bit. Any tips?

[master_alcid]

Well, blindfold is a very good trust builder. You can start with silk restraints too.

For example of a short but nice little scene:

1: Get dressed in a suit with necktie. (nothing like a good show.. makes YOU feel good and will make her fel like you push the effort)
2: make her stand still while you undress her completely, caress her slowly. don’t talk too much. no questions. just go with your plan.
3: make her kneel to receive a play collar and her blindfold
4: get her to lie down in the “present” pose *mind you guide her to the bed or the ground where you intend the scene, always keep loooot of physical contact for reassurance and slip a few dirty ideas in her ear, nibble, work on neck ear and shoulder…*
5: ask her if she trust you enough to try something else. then use your necktie to bind her hands to her collar or just on resting on her tummy.
6: control her with your voice. keep her from moving.
7: start to play in the way you guys like. make her loose her head.
8: after you are both satiated, reward her with hugs and a glass of water, cuddle her. talk if needed. release your control, let her digest and talk if needed. listen.

9: most likely by then you will have ideas for the next scene 😉

Cheers,

A.

[willyandhippychick]

Thank you for that. It’s a great start.

[master_alcid]

How did it go??

[willyandhippychick]

It went great according to my wife or Pet as she wants to be known as when we “play”. I was slow and listened to her breathing and body movements. teased with touches and increased tough and talk until she moaned a lot then held off just a little before finishing her off. Afterward she did all I wanted with out question. Some fun!!! I think that good planning ahead of time makes a difference and being focused on what I’d like to try (with consent of course). I’m trying something new tonight. I’m having her dress up as elegantly as possible with some modifications. Then she picks between two envelopes as to which “scene”we will be in. I have everything hidden so depending on what is picked I know where the toys are.