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Greetings
My name is Musu and married to Yumi. We have been together for over 20 years and started exploring kink a couple of years ago. Rope bondage (aka Kinbaku) is one of our shared interests but Yumi has been longing to feed her submissive role more and more and is getting impatient. Although dominant by nature, it is hard to know how to work towards fulfilling her needs in a way that is natural to me as an individual and to our ‘vanilla-side’ of our marriage with three young kids running through the house. I hope to find some mentoring in these next steps and find confidence in my role and guide her to- and in her deepest self.
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7 Replies
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Musukin,
Welcome to husDOm I think you will find a lot of very useful information on this site to help you and your Yumi on this journey. Many of us in this committed D/s-M dynamic have children from young to old running about our houses and have found ways to make it all work. Angelica and I have 6 under 16 running about our house and have found ways to express my Dominance over her even in plain view of everyone. But it takes time and feeling your way through what will work and what will not in a house full of kids.
I urge you to read read and then read some more here in the blogs and forums in particular. If you have not read where to begin I suggest you start there. I also recommend that you ask tons of questions, every Dom I know here is ready to help a fellow Dom especially those who want to learn how to make with dynamic work in a monogamous D/s-M relationship.
If Yumi has not been on subMrs, please suggest that to her she will learn a lot and make some great friends that will support her.
Regards,
Bigone1960 (aka Darren)
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Darren,
Thank you very much for your suggestions and welcoming words.
A lot to read and learn ahead. Yumi will surely sign up for subMrs. I won’t hesitate to ask tons of question;).
Musu
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Musukin,
Hello and welcome…you have joined the right community. Veruca and I have been together for 16 years and have 3 kids and a small home. We had toyed with kink from the very beginning of our relationship but 2 1/2 years ago, V came to me with the need for D/s. At first I was not sure how this would work. Before we found these sites, most of the information that I found did not seem to fit with my marriage and seemed completely unrealistic with kids in the house. There were a lot of conversations and that was the key. As the picture became clearer, I began to hear what she really wanted…for me to take charge. I set the rules for our D/s but always with her in mind. I can say that I have more hard limits that V does.I agree with BigOne1960 that this is doable…even with kids in the house! There are little things you can do. For example; I pick out my V’s panties every day. She wears a day collar every day. I picked her day collar out to look like a necklace because she works in sales with the local public. She calls me Sir in front of everyone, which at first the kids and others noticed and asked questions, but after a few weeks, it became normal to everyone around us.
Find the little things that matter. This is your journey and you make up your rules and protocols to fit your marriage and family life. Feel free to ask any more questions and I will do my best to answer but I can honestly say that I still have tons to learn and I hope that will not change.
BigOne1960 was also correct about submrs. It is a good safe site for your Yumi. Veruca is my submissive and an ambassador over there if you want to tell her to seek her out.
Sincerely,
Mr. Cain -
Musukin,
Welcome aboard!
Congratulations on the 20 years of marriage. It really is an achievement to have accomplished that.
Yumi has been longing to feed her submissive role more and more and is getting impatient.
It sounds as though you may have been putting this off just a bit. lol
I am glad that yo have found your way to our community and wish the best for you and your Yumi.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Thank you Mr. Cain and Mr. Fox,
I have been scrolling through some articles and they give me great confidence. Similar situations, similar worries and and a lot of Ooohs and Aaahs are building up my strength. So cool that you have started and participated in bringing this platform to the world.
Yumi and I reflected on some steps from last weekend and it seems like we are finally finding some flow and ease to discuss things that in the past would hurt my ego and now see some as part of the journey. For example when we went to bed yesterday and had a strong need to ‘increase the level of endorphins’ before falling asleep. But time was short and directly stepping into a Dominant pattern did not work well. She was not there at all and we both concluded that if we want to have D/s sex we need to grow into the moment and there was simply not enough time for it. So where certain phrases or remarks would or could work very well in a scene, they did not land as they were supposed to and Yumi told me that it was not working. In the old days I would feel rejected but now we analyzed it and concluded that time is of the essence.
That also brought us to another insight. Although playing around for some time with elements of scenes or kink, we lack a kind of structure in moving forward. I love all the ‘tricks and tips’ mentioned in the posts but there is a part before that…how to build structure into what we do?
Can you recommend a ‘read first’ post or direct me to some key-questions that we need to discuss to start building that structure. That would be very helpful;)
Thank you!
Musu -
Musu,
You have brought up an excellent point already regarding mindset. Congratulations on having a better understanding of the situation without taking offense or having your feelings hurt. D/s-M is also about humility for the Dominant as well. Otherwise it is more on the Domineering side. Great Job Sir…
There is a ‘Where to begin; drop down at the top fo the page. Those posts have all been recommended by members like yourself as having a special meaning to them in the beginning of theri journey.
Best wishes,
Mr Fox
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Welcome Muskin!
As the other members have stated, you have found the right community and there is a lot of great resources here to help achieve the right mindset for your dynamic as well as give you insight to all of ours which you may find helpful for your own. Each of us have different aspects to our dynamics that fit us and those are created by the type of relationship you have and want…it is also very important to note that your D/s-M is a dynamic – Mr. Fox talks alot about this in various blogs and during chats which resonates with me personally – it is an ever growing, evolving relationship that expands and contracts where you are both comfortable – things like having children (almost all of us do in varying ages), work, life events, etc. all have subtle or big impacts that many of us are navigating, or have navigated, which pulls the community together to help one another find solutions or ideas that keep their dynamic thriving.
I look forward to getting to know you in the chats and excited to hear how your journey is going and learn from you as much as you learn from others! I would also recommend that your Yumi checkout subMrs – my parapluie has thrived and grown in her submissive mindset as a result and it has brought us closer and to new levels I couldn’t imagine. It will also do wonders for your own relationship as you can share direct and honest feedback during your downtimes from things you have learned or wish to explore further.
Welcome and Best Regards
Mr. G8tr
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